AW6 - Multi-Paragraph Format

Hello guys,

Here is the work you did today in class on writing a multi-paragraph paper. Each Introduction and Conclusion paragraph is followed by my comments (strengths and weaknesses), as you had asked. Study your work and my comments again for a better idea of how to write a separate Introduction and Conclusion paragraph. Post any questions under "comments."

Dimitri – Gosia – Junichi

Introduction:
Nowadays smoking is important issue in modern societies. However people are still smoking a lot even though it is forbidden in public places. There has to be some good effects of smoking. The three most important positive effects are reducing stress, forgetting problems, decrease appetite.

Strengths: introduces the topic; talks about the significance of the topic; has a clear thesis

Weaknesses: no transition between introduction and thesis statement; thesis is not parallel


Conclusion:
Overall, people are still smoking even though it has many negative effects. By smoking people can not only forget problems but also release stress and if smoking reduces stress why does the government have to restrict smoking in public places?

Strengths: ends with a though-provoking question; gives alternatives

Weaknesses: a bit short; no clear transition between sentences


Ugur – Felix – Yaneth

Introduction:
Most people around the world don’t care about their life because they can’t stop smoking. Smoking results in a lot of health problems for the human body. In addition by smoking people can get different diseases like cancer and respiratory problems. The negative effects of smoking cigarettes are damage the body, can create an addiction, and break up relationship.

Strengths: introduces the topic; discusses the importance of topic; clear TS

Weaknesses: TS is not parallel; first sentence is over-generalization; no smooth transition between Introduction and TS


Conclusion:
In conclusion people who smoke more than 100 cigarettes a month can die in less than 6 months. Smoking cigarettes has become a big negative effect on the society because many people have died in the past few years with different kinds of diseases.

Strengths: gives warning

Weaknesses: statistics is made up (needs a reliable source); over-generalizing; does not end in memorable way


Ayfer – Fahmieh – Shadab

Introduction:
More than half people around the world are addicted to smoking. All of these people know that smoking damages their bodies. Some of them try to quit it, but most of the time they face failure. Therefore, they should believe how much this small entity destroys their body. Oral diseases, lung cancer, and breath difficulty are three negative effects of cigarette smoking.

Strengths: introduces the topic; discusses the significance; has a clear TS

Weaknesses: not clear where data comes from (no source)


Conclusion:
In short, smokers should be aware of negative effects of this tiny friend. This so-called fried will not only spoil their body but also make their pockets empty in a friendly manner.

Strengths: gives caution; ends in memorable way (use of humour)

Weaknesses: too short


Igor – Kook

Introduction:
Many people have habit of cigarette smoking. Nowadays, most people think about only negative effects of smoking but smokers have their own view on this type of pastime. They do hard work so they have tension, stress, and are under pressure in society. This means cigarette smoking helps them in the following ways: increase government income, bring people closer to each other, and create employment.

Strengths: introduces the topic; presents an alternative point of view; has a clear TS

Weaknesses: points in TS do not have a logical connection to each other


Conclusion:
In conclusion, these ways help stop to think about the negative effects of smoking. By smoking, we can help to increase government income, bring people closer, and create employment. In other words, it can solve the social problems: overcrowding of Earth. It is true that smoking is good for you!

Strengths: summarizes the main points; ends in a creative and memorable way (uses humour and interesting ideas)

Weaknesses: a bit short, but overall a good conclusion